


Target Run

by Porkchop_Sandwiches



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Episode: s05e16 Felina, M/M, dudes being dudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22137022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Porkchop_Sandwiches/pseuds/Porkchop_Sandwiches
Summary: Skinny Pete and Badger run errands at Target, forget why there even there, and are just a couple of dudes who might like each other.
Relationships: Brandon "Badger" Mayhew & Skinny Pete, Brandon "Badger" Mayhew/Skinny Pete
Comments: 11
Kudos: 50
Collections: Blue Christmeth Madness 2019





	Target Run

**Author's Note:**

  * For [What_we_are](https://archiveofourown.org/users/What_we_are/gifts).



> Written for the prompt, "Badger and Skinny Pete banter is the best. They could be a couple, or just friends. No smut please, but kissing and cuddling is cool."

“Yo, when did Target get so fucking bright like all of a sudden? Feel like I’m about to get beamed up,” Badger said.

They’d only just walked through the automatic doors but Pete was already squinting under the like fluorescent lights or whatever.

“Church. Still dope as hell though.”

Badger laughed with his head tipped back. “Target’s dope as  _ fuck,  _ mother _ fucka.” _

This lady with like a pantsuit and jacked-up-looking highlights in her hair, and she also had like two kids with her, mean-mugged them. And Badger got all quiet and accidentally knocked over a display of pencils. 

“Chill, yo.” They both scooped up all the pencils. He clapped the guy on the shoulder before standing up. “She seemed like a bitch anyway.”

Badger snickered and they kept right on their way. 

A girl almost straight-up tripped him passing by an aisle with poster board and markers and shit. And he was wondering why the place was slammed with so many damn kids until he remembered it was September so like back to school. He was at least pretty sure it was September. Honestly, he was hungover. 

“Goddamn. I swear it’s like brighter than my dick in here. Like if my dick was a lightsaber,” Badger said.

“Yo, how the hell would you pee if your dick was a lightsaber?”

“Easy.” Badger was grinning. “Just like imagine one of your balls is the switch to turn it off. When the light is out, you can pee like it’s a normal schlong. When it’s on, you can like cut through fucking anything with your dick.” 

He was sort of glad Badger was too distracted to notice them passing the dollar section ‘cause the guy had brought enough crap into their new place already. Not like he didn’t like Badger there though. It was way better than living alone. Badger was like his favorite dude to hang with.

“What if it accidentally got switched on when you were up in some chick’s cooch?”

Badger scoffed. “Like that’d be a problem for you.”

Pete fucking scoffed too. “ _ Bitch.” _

It was one thing not getting laid in like half a year or some shit, but it was another thing to call a dude on it like damn. He was so annoyed he remembered what they were even in here for:  _ laser pointers _ . Heisenberg had some sort of like mysterious job for them and they needed laser pointers, two of them.

“Yo Skinny, can I ask you a serious question?”

“Guess so.” Pete shrugged.

“Would it be too gay if I started wearing nail polish?”

It took Pete a second to like register they somehow made it to one of the makeup aisles. He was dead-on facing a whole row of lipsticks and powdery stuff. Him and Badger had been like “powdering” their noses until about five this morning. So much fucking crytal. They’d crashed on the couch re-watching “Next Generation.” 

Pete scratched his head. “What color? Like black?”

“Of course, black.” Badger lowered his voice. “I ain’t  _ that  _ much of a homo. But like Chris Angel paints his nails black and the dude can make whole buildings disappear. It’d look cool, right?”

“Yo, it’s 2010. Do you, man.”

Badger smiled at him like Pete had given the guy a hundred bucks or something. Kind of made him look handsome or whatever. And he totally grabbed a bottle of black polish before they walked around a group of middle school girls looking at sparkly bookbags. There was a black one with a red Jansport logo on it and some red zippers too. 

“Should I get the remover stuff in case I like fuck ‘em up?”

Pete held up the bookbag from where it was hanging.

“Dude, you used to have one like just like this when I met you. Remember that shit?”

Pete sure fucking did. 

He had just been minding his own damn business outside a Waffle House when Badger and Jesse and Combo had walked over to him looking all scared asking to buy drugs. They were some dumbass high school kids. Pete wasn’t even selling. Guess he just looked like a guy who would. And he just happened to have a ton of weed on him ‘cause he’d just gotten out of the other kind of joint and hadn’t blazed one in almost a year. And he ended up hotboxing with them in Combo’s car with Badger in the backseat with him. They talked about shit like the new Korn album and Jesse and Badger’s band and hot air balloons. Then they were friends. Even though Pete was old compared to them. Badger had looked like some shaggy puppy back then: all eager and happy and sort of cute.

“ _ So _ homo, dude,” Badger said.

But Badger chuckled and elbowed him. 

They found the section with ski masks sort of on accident, but grabbed two black ones anyway. Badger told him that in the text, Heisenberg told them to wear ‘em ‘cause they needed to be super incognito and shit. 

Pete picked up a yellow beanie with a maroon dragon. It was cool but made him think of Jesse too much. He looked at a dark navy one with no designs or nothing on it. Kind of plain but it was soft.

“Think I could pull off blue?”

Badger laughed. “Yo, what’s the point of looking? You’ve been wearing the same fucking hat since before Jesus, yo. You’re never even gonna take that out of the bag.”

“Don’t hurt to have a backup,” he said. “Plus, I gots this like...gut feeling or something. Like I  _ should  _ have a second one. You know?”

“Yo, what do you even mean?”

Badger was already walking ahead so Pete put the beanie back and followed him.

“ _ You know _ . When you get like a feeling when you should or shouldn’t do something. Wisdom, yo. Like some Yoda shit.”

“Salted caramel pretzels, I will,” Badger said in like  _ the  _ shittiest Yoda impression. The dude grabbed a family-sized bag of the stuff.

Pete was pretty sure he hadn’t had a pretzel since that time he was in Jesse’s place and they talked business. Back before shit got all crazy and whatnot. When Combo was alive and Jesse was still around.  _ Damn _ , it was almost painful looking at Funyuns. Though his stomach totally distracted him when he saw some Cool Ranch Doritos. 

He popped open a bag and got a handful in his mouth when he heard a bunch of crinkling noises.

“Three for eight  _ dalla _ !”

“Since when did you get a cart, man?” Pete said.

“Since powdered donuts we’re three for eight dollars, duh.” Badger had like six boxes of them all stacked up alongside their ski masks. 

“We’re here for laser pointers.” He shoveled in another mouthful of chips. “Go easy on the donuts, brother.”

“ _ Brother,  _ go easy on the Cool Ranch. Your breath’s gonna be gnarly.”

“So? It ain’t like I’m gonna kiss you.”

Badger mumbled something under his breath and Pete swore the guy almost looked bummed. But he got the dude smiling again when he put some nacho cheese and tortilla chips in the cart. They like liberated some Oreos on the way to the frozen shit when this slim guy turned the corner in a fucking big Volcom hoodie with a bunch of tiny, cool designs. His hood was up and he looked around the right height.

“It ain’t him, yo,” Badger said. “He’s in Alaska, remember?”

Pete had wanted to say it back at the beanies but he like had to now.

He sort of hung his head a little. “I miss Jesse.”

“Homo,” Badger said over his shoulder. He grabbed some blueberry Toaster Strudels even though they still had some strawberry ones left. “But same, yo. Same.”

He had like a sad sort of smile on his face. And Pete was like, fuck it. He reached for the dude’s hand. Badger pulled away real fast.

“Sorry,” Pete said. 

He walked down an aisle with like furniture and rugs and shit. Badger caught up with him after clipping the cart on a fuzzy bean bag chair. 

“Yo, I thought you were gonna nut-check me again. Slow down. Dude, you’re power-walking like a PTA mom with diarrhea.”

That got them another dirty look from a different lady in a dark green dress. 

Pete turned around right by some super tall lamps.

“Whatever, yo. It’s like”--

Badger held Pete’s hand and smiled and kept walking. “Let’s get those laser pointers.”

Pete whispered, “What if people like stare at us?”

“It’s 2010, man. Who gives a fuck if two dudes hold hands? Just know this totally opens up the like gates to me big-spooning you tonight when we watch ‘Next Generation’ and like  _ not  _ pretending it’s on accident like last time.”

Pete wanted to say some shit about that but not really ‘cause it sounded pretty dope or whatever. And he liked admired Badger’s courage being in public like this plus no one was really around the camping gear and bikes.

“Do they even sell laser pointers here? ‘Cause alls I’m seeing is lanterns and flashlights. And what kind are we supposed to get anyway? Let me see your phone.”

“Why?” A big cloud of sugar came out the dude’s mouth.

Pete had only turned away for like a minute and the guy had already crammed in at least three mini powdered donuts. 

“I want to read the text he sent you.” 

“Fine,” Badger said. He glanced at his free hand. “Yo, my fingers are all donut-y. It’s in my left pocket.”

Pete fished it out and got all kinds of judgement from a young guy in all camo looking at tents across the aisle, but like fuck him.

“Yo Badge, what the hell?” Pete showed him the text. “Heisenberg says  _ he’s  _ bringing the laser pointers. Dude, we came here for no reason.”

“Get dope snacks, we did,” Badger said. He was starting up that sucky Yoda voice again. When Pete didn’t laugh, he clapped him on the arm. “Yo, at least we had fun.”

He swung his hand that was still holding onto Pete’s and grinned kind of goofy. 

“Yeah,” Pete said. “Wanna go home, yo?”

Badger nodded. And they walked towards the front of the store.

“But I get dibs on using the microwave first.”

“Hell no. You’re gonna eat all the Pizza Bites, _ Sasquatch _ ,” Pete said.

“ _ Midget _ .”

Pete hesitated. “ _ Bigfoot.” _

_ “Pssh  _ those are so the same things, dipshit.”

“ _ So?” _

Badger just laughed and Pete was kind of quiet but like grateful when Badger decided to pay for everything. He even saw that Badger got him that beanie when Pete wasn’t looking. Though the guy didn’t say nothing until they were in Pete’s car and Badger tossed it to him.

“You’d look badass in navy, yo,” Badger said.

Pete smiled and tucked it into his back pocket. For backup. Just in case. 

“Thanks, man. You can...you can have the rest of the Pizza Bites.”

Badger grinned. “ _ Hells yeah _ .”

Pete switched on some Sabbath and cranked down the windows and Badger drummed on his dashboard. Shit was tight. 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
